Back To December
by PinkRae
Summary: It's been years since they last saw each other. Since she broke his heart. Will they be able to mend what's been broken?


_A DickRae one-shot inspired by the lyrics of Taylor Swift's "Back to December"._

_Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

_**I'm so glad you made time to see me**_

_**How's life, tell me how's your family?**_

_**I haven't seen them in a while**_

* * *

The air was dense. Moments of silence passed one after the other. Awkward smiles, trembling lips, shaking hands. Their warm breaths dispersed into the cold winter air, snowflakes gathered in their black hair. It was only a run-in. But a run-in that neither of them had expected. And although every fiber of her being told her to run, just leave it right there, here she was. Standing right in front of him. Right in the middle of the street that was _way_ too busy for them to be standing like this.

"Richard…" The young woman finally gasped out, trying her best to not let her voice _crack_. "It's… been a while."

"It has indeed…" He spoke slowly, as if trying not to stumble on his words himself, but it was easier said than done. "You look- Hope you've been well." And there it was. Though he tried to hide his nervousness behind yet another awkward chuckle.

"I've been alright." Raven nodded with a small smile of her own, clutching tighter on the strap of her bag on her shoulder. "Just… working. Here and there."

"Yeah. Working. Same." Dick agreed with a chuckle, though he scolded himself for not being able to come up with something more constructive to say. _Proper sentences, Dick? Ever heard of them?_

It didn't take a scientist to see how much of a disaster this conversation was turning out to be. And a part of her wanted it to stay like that. Just a quick "Hi, how are you, bye" and nothing more. It was funny. She _still_ wanted to run from all this. But at the same time, she _didn't_. So many years had passed and they still had things that were left unsaid. Unexplained. Unforgiven. Would it be too late to hope for a closure? For both of them? Would he even want one? Would he listen?

Her blue eyes finally looked up to him, trying to read him for a moment. But… This _really_ wasn't the best place to do this at.

"You know," she finally spoke again, "I was about to grab some tea while I'm on a break. If- If you want, you can join me and, you know… we can catch up."

"Oh." He blinked in a bit of a surprise at the offer. For a moment it seemed like he contemplated whether this was a good idea or not. Certainly, he wished to know what she'd been up to for the past few years. How she'd been. Had she gotten married- No. There was no ring. So, probably not- Wait, he shouldn't even be thinking about this. Why- Why did he still feel so… _giddy_ around her? There really was no better word to describe what he was feeling right now. Maybe it wasn't a great idea to-

"Sure, I'd love to." _Damn it!_ His mouth really acted faster than his brain sometimes!

* * *

_**You've been good, busier than ever**_

_**We small talk, work and the weather**_

_**Your guard is up and I know why**_

* * *

"Glad to hear you've been good." Raven smiled, her hands wrapped around her cup. The atmosphere inside the small cafe was _so much_ better than on the busy street. It was warm and quiet, just how she liked it. And best of all, they didn't have to be out in the snow.

"Likewise. I just didn't expect to see you here, I guess." Dick sipped on his coffee, trying his best not to fidget with his fingers. It was obvious that no matter how calm he seemed on the outside, there were many conflicting emotions running through him. In all honesty, he didn't yet know what to make of this encounter.

Had she been in the city for long? Why did she move here? Did she know he lived here as well and did that affect her decision to come? There were so many questions rushing through his mind right now, he didn't even know where to start. And whether he even _should_.

"Ah. I haven't been here for long. But a job offer is a job offer." She shrugged lightly without getting into any more detail.

"I see." He nodded. So it was because of a job. And he couldn't help but to chuckle. "Must've been one hell of a job to agree to come to Bludhaven, of all places."

"Well"- She wasn't quite sure what to say to that- "It's nothing _fancy_, really. But it's something I believe in. So it was reason enough."

Of course. Raven would never have it any other way. Somehow this made him smile. She was never one to chase money or glory. It was always about the people. To help others. Even at the expense of her own peace and happiness… A bittersweet memory flashed in the back of his mind and he didn't realize he was looking at her with this sad expression before she snapped him out of his thoughts.

"I should go. My classes are about to start."

* * *

_**Because the last time you saw me**_

_**Is still burned in the back of your mind**_

_**You gave me roses and I left them there to die**_

* * *

"Classes?" He blinked in surprise.

"Yes." She said simply as she got up from her seat and grabbed her coat to put it back on. "The workplace offered me free classes so I can get the qualification I need."

"Oh wow, that _is_ not a bad deal after all."

Raven nodded and looked down at him once she'd put the coat on. Somehow it was so hard to come up with words to say to him. Their conversation had been strained and she could feel that. So it was probably for the best to cut it where it was. Even if she didn't necessarily want that.

"It was good seeing you, Richard." She then grabbed her purse and turned to leave. Her heart suddenly clenched. _No._ _Just leave_. And she didn't just leave. She rushed out of the cafe like she was in a hurry, even though she had _plenty_ of time before she needed to get to class.

It was _so hard_ being in the same room with him. Even after all this time. He seemed so distant. So casual. Buried somewhere in his thoughts. Watching him was painful. Why was it so hard? She'd barely been able to breathe in there. And coming out of the cafe made her let out a long breath as fresh air washed over her. Her heart hurt. _Physically_ hurt. It made her put a hand on her chest just to check if her heart wasn't about to leave her ribcage. Azar, what was going on? It had been _years_. How was this possible?

"Raven-!" She suddenly jumped hearing the voice behind her and turned around with a gasp.

"R-richard?" Her blue eyes watched the man rushing towards her, utter confusion spread across her face.

"Would you- would you mind if I walked you there?" He asked with that _ridiculously_ charming smile on his face and suddenly her heart skipped a beat.

"Why?"- was the only thing she could manage to blurt out. And it clearly confused him and all of a sudden made him doubt his decision to go after her.

"I mean- It's fine if you don't want to-"

"No, no-! That's not- That's not what I meant." Raven stuttered, trying to come up with _words_. "I mean- You don't _have_ to."

"I know." He said firmly. "But I want to."

The question _why_ popped into her head again. But she refrained from voicing it. There was something different about him now. She couldn't quite place _what_. And it made her wonder…

"Are you _sure_?"

… Would he be open for a conversation after all?

"When am I ever?" They both let out a laugh.

* * *

_**So this is me swallowing my pride**_

_**Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night**_

_**And I go back to December all the time**_

* * *

"Raven"- He stood in front of her, surprise obvious in his voice- "I didn't think you still put on the uniform."

"I don't, really." She replied truthfully, her face hidden under the hood of her cloak, just like old times. Something about it was just very comforting. And she'd figured it might actually make it easier for her to talk to him like that. Face to face, but not quite. As if protecting herself from something. From having him see the sadness in her eyes, maybe.

"Then why are you-"

"I haven't exactly asked for your phone number. Nor do I know where you live. So… I thought a lady dressed in white on a rooftop was bound to get your attention." Raven let out a small chuckle.

The snow never really stayed long in Bludhaven. Just as fast as it fell down, it all melted away days after. So, yes, she was quite obvious in the middle of the night. For the longest time she'd wondered what would the best way to approach him be. They'd met up a few times here and there, exchanged hello's and how-are-you's, but it was no more than that. And she didn't exactly want to bother him at work either.

"Oh- Well- I mean, you could've always popped by the police station." Dick chuckled, the eyes behind his mask carefully observing her, wondering why _this_ was her way of communication. For old times sake maybe?

"It's… not exactly a police station kind of conversation." She spoke slowly, her voice dropping a notch.

For Dick though, it was his heart that dropped. _Not a police station kind of conversation_? What did that even _mean_? What could she possibly want to talk about? They really had nothing- Unless it was-

"Raven, if this is about what happened back then. We- We really don't need do. It's in the _past_."

"But is it _really_, though?" The question dropped on his head like cold water. And even though his face was partially hidden behind the mask, she _felt_ the shift in his emotions. It made her nervous as well. More nervous than she was already, that is. It was something really hard to talk about. Not only because it happened so long ago, but because how both of them felt at the time. But the bomb was dropped, there was no turning back now.

"Look," Raven sighed, "I'm not here to pick up and sort out things that are years old. We both know we were just kids back then with too much on our plates."

"Raven-"

"But," she interrupted before he could say anything to make her lose the courage to speak up about this, "we both _also_ know it could've ended differently. It _should've_ ended differently."

* * *

_**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you**_

_**Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine**_

_**I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright**_

* * *

Both of their breaths were stuck in their throat. Their hands were shaking, heart racing in their chest. Emotions were hidden on the outside, but Raven had the advantage of knowing _exactly _what was going on with him. She'd always had the upper hand when it came to this. He loved it and hated it at the same time.

"Yeah, well"- his voice cracked- "you can't change the way it ended."

"I know." She put a hand on her chest and clutched onto her dress, the motion hidden underneath the cloak. "But I can try to change the way you look back at it, can't I?"

"What do you mean?"

"Richard, I want to _apologize_." Raven made her best effort for her voice to sound as steady as possible, taking a step closer to the other. However, he somewhat instinctively took a step back.

"Raven, you don't-"

"Yes, I do. You may hide it very well from others and act like you're just fine, but you can't do that with _me_. Do you really think I don't _know_? Your heart is just as broken right now as it was all those years ago when you walked away."

"You _made_ me walk away!" A spark of anger ignited in his chest. But this was good. Maybe now he would finally be able to release the frustration that had been with him for years and Raven let him, even _helped_ him in her own way.

"I know-"

"You made me _believe_ you had no feelings for me!"

"I know…"

"And then you just _left_ the face of the Earth!"

"I know-!" Finally, she raised her voice as well, but quickly composed herself again. "I know, Richard. It was all a string of not _great_ decisions. Because… Because I thought it would be best that way. And I'm _really_ sorry for it."

"Best for whom, Raven? How was this good for anyone?" Dick sounded almost desperate and in disbelief of what he was hearing coming out of her mouth.

"You have to understand that I didn't know if I was even returning."

"You'd left Azarath before, you could've left again. And, _look_. You _did_."

"It was under different circumstances."

"Then why _now_? You've been back for a while, right?" He ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm down. "Why didn't you seek me out sooner?"

"Because," she paused for a second, "you were about to get married."

* * *

_**I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right**_

_**And how you held me in your arms that September night**_

_**The first time you ever saw me cry**_

* * *

The words left her lips so casually, but it felt like a knife through his heart. It was over two years ago! And it didn't even work out… Just like it didn't with Kori.

"So you just _what_\- Didn't even bother to tell me? Like, hey, look, I'm _alive_?"

"I let you be happy, _that's _what, Richard." She frowned at him. "I never wanted you to sit around and wait for me to come back. I wanted you to move on with your life."

"Why don't you _get_ it?" He chuckled in disbelief. "I would've waited for you. No matter how long it'd taken. I would've waited for you till my last breath, Raven." Dick gestured with his hands and stepped closer to her, looking right into her eyes even if they were covered by the hood.

"And where would've that gotten you?" Raven whispered, looking at him, but choosing to stare at his chest rather than his face, the pain evident in her voice.

"Me knowing that you didn't hate me…" His voice lowered as well, as he grabbed the hem of her hood and pulled it down to finally look properly into her eyes. But she felt so _exposed_ like this, she couldn't help but to avert her gaze as her eyes filled with tears.

"I never hated you…"

"How was I supposed to know? You cut all ties with me. Disappeared. Just like that. What was I supposed to think?"

There was a moment of silence between them. Of course he was right. Even back then, she knew what she was doing was wrong. That he didn't deserve this. Not after everything they'd been through. But all she'd ever wanted for him was to have a happy life. And with the situation they were in at the time, she knew that it wasn't possible for him to do that with her in his life.

Even so… It all sounded like excuses now. It made more sense to her back then. Everything was done hot on the spot. She needed to save her _home_ and so she did. At the expense of the one true love in her life. There was nothing she could say to him to make it all better, to change the past, to just forget it. But that's not what she was here for.

"I'm sorry." A weak apology left her mouth and she finally looked at him properly, a tear falling down her cheek. "I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I never intended for it to end the way that it did. Please, forgive me."

* * *

_**Maybe this is wishful thinking**_

_**Probably mindless dreaming**_

_**But if we loved again I swear I'd love you right**_

* * *

Seeing her cry had always made him weak. He _hated_ to see her hurting. All this time he'd thought that he was the only one. But she had been hurting too. It was so obvious in her eyes. He could see it now. She _cared_. She cared back then and she still cared today. God, how could he be so stupid?

"Oh, Raven…" Dick sighed and placed a soft hand on her cheek, wiping away the tear. "All's been forgiven a long time ago. I just never got the chance to tell you." He grinned, making her chuckle lightly and shake her head.

"That's not what I heard coming out of your mouth, though." She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, I don't know what came over me, I just-" he stopped abruptly in the middle of the sentence when he noticed her knowing look. "You let me _yell_ at you? What was this, some sick punishment?" An incredulous chuckle left his lips.

"A punishment? Perhaps. But I wanted to hear what _really_ was going on in your mind. You never let go of that frustration until now. Don't think I couldn't sense it."

He watched her for a moment. It was _still_ amazing how she could read him so easily. Even with everything that he buried deep inside him. She was still able to see past all that. There truly was no other person who knew him as well as she did. And it made him smile. And that smile turned into a chuckle, which in turn then became a laugh, completely _baffling _the empath.

"You're right. You're absolutely right. My god, I've missed you in my life, Raven!" He laughed out and pulled her in a tight embrace.

"R-richard…?" Her face flushed red and she froze at this sudden action, unsure of what she should do.

Dick didn't say anything for a moment. He just took in a deep breath, taking in her scent as he closed his eyes. Gently tightening his grip, he just held her. It'd been too long since he could last hold her like this, he wanted to savour it. He didn't know what came over him, but he just _craved_ to have her this close to him. To hold her. To never let her go. She could feel all these emotions wash over her and slowly her arms wrapped around him as well, face buried in his chest.

"I'm here to stay, Richard." She whispered softly and his heart skipped a beat. "If you'll have me back… I'll stay."

* * *

_**I'd go back in time and change it but I can't**_

_**So if the chain is on your door, I understand**_

* * *

"Will you really?" He asked, more as a confirmation that he wasn't making this all up. And she simply nodded. "No more saving of Azarath?"

"It's been saved already." She smiled and pulled back to look at him. "And if it ever needs saving again, I'd want nothing more than to do it together with you this time."

And his lips curved into a smile as well.

"I'd like that very much."


End file.
